Renew the feeling

The brilliant summer sun shone down on the beautiful meadow. A few hikers made their way towards the mountains in the distance, while others stopped to enjoy the wildflowers. Marie sighed quietly from her vantage point. Wrong spot again. Might as well try to close in, though. Shorten the radius a bit. She thought.  The smell of pine surrounded her, even as she landed lithely on the packed dirt. Brushing her hands off, she approached a middle-aged couple who were busy gazing at the scenery. They looked and smelled pretty human, so Marie spoke up.

"Excuse me, I'm a little lost. Could you tell me a little about this place?" She asked in a timid voice. As she had expected, their expressions took on a sympathetic and pitying look.

"Oh, you poor dear. Of course we'll help. We're on the Wiswa Trail, 'bout two miles from the trailhead. Ya must've come from the Sawsis Campgrounds, that's 'nother mile towards the mountains." The woman answered. Marie nodded in response. She turned to go, but another idea popped into her head.

"You seem to know this area well, and I was wondering if you'd ever been down Lupine Path?" She asked, referencing a trail that branched off Wiswa. Her tone was casual, but the humans shuddered. This time the man answered, fear in his voice.

"No way in all hell will I ever go down there. Terrible place, that is. Heard it's stocked full with them," He paused and glanced around nervously. "them werewolves." Another shudder. "Don't know why the gov'ment can't go shoot 'em all dead, with their fancy..." His muttering trailed off, and his wife opened her mouth to add her opinion.

"Now, young lady, don't ya be gettin' any ideas. You head straight  back to yer folks, where it's safer. Ya hear?" Marie nodded, eyes wide as she hurried down the trail. Her feet took her around a grove of trees and off the trail as soon as she was sure the couple could no longer see her. Stocked full, my paw. She thought scornfully. No werewolf in their right mind would stray so close to human roads, nor would they leave evidence of their existence out in the open. However, the man's genuine fear of Lupine Path told Marie what she needed to know. That she was getting warmer. Much warmer. She moved farther away from the trail, careful not to leave any more sign of her passing than necessary. She spotted a smooth boulder and leaped up. She unrolled the map she kept in her jacket pocket and spread it out on the cold stone. She slipped her hand into her other pocket and withdrew a red pen. Smiling, she added another ring to the ever-shrinking circles that rippled across the map. As always, the idea of turning into primal form and just sniffing out other wolves entered her head, but she pushed it away, fear rushing her heart. I'll do it later. When I'm closer. More sure. She told herself, rolling up the map once more. Marie glanced up at the sky. She still had quite some time before nightfall, enough to snag a quick meal. She unsheathed her survival knife from the scabbard hanging from her belt and began searching for suitable prey. Two rabbits later, Marie walked briskly towards Lupine Path. Her strengthened body moved easily on the uneven terrain.  A quick backward glance revealed no possible witnessess, so she started down the nearly overgrown trail.

Once she was absolutely certain that no one would be able to spot her, she transformed. Her skin paled as pain consumed her body. She clenched her jaw as her bones snapped and shifted to their alternate places. She had forgotten exactly how much this hurt. Her screams were muffled by the dense forest, and she prayed that no one would hear. She thrashed about on the forest floor in a futile attempt to avoid the pain. Finally, the throbbing receded, and Marie lifted her head. She groaned softly and looked down at herself. Reddish-brown fur covered her back, while her underside was pure white. She slowly raised herself to her feet, flexing her newly grown muscles. She felt powerful in her long neglected form, and bounded further down the trail, marveling at the ease in which she could travel. Her nose led her straight to the border she had been looking for. She tipped her head back and released a long, coarse howl. She was ready. She was primal. She was scared. She was Marie. She wove her thoughts into her song, giving it strength as it carried through the steadily darkening sky. Finally, she closed her lips and prepared for what must be the most stressful wait in her life.

Lying within his den, the Alpha slept peacefully. He knew their presence was becoming more and more known to the humans, but he did not care. The last ones that crossed his path had not lived to tell of it. He left their mangled remains far from his lair, luring the humans to discover it and flee from his land. They should have known better anyways. Lucian had shifted to his human form, spreading lies and rumors about the things werewolves could do, anything to freak the humans out and leave his race be. He walked outside of his den, and stretched his primal arms, feeling the light touch his fur. He lifted his canine skull towards the sky, listening to his surroundings. His midnight coat felt hot in the heat of the sun. But he did not care, it was good to feel it no and then. Shifting back to his human form, feeling the bones pull and shift, he snarled and screamed in horror, dropping to his knees. Cupping his head in his hands, he lifted his face from his palms and looked around him. Nobody had heard him, nobody was there. Lucian moved about the land, running as quick as he possibly could. He could hear the voices of people talking. He hid amongst the shadows of the day, hiding between the large tree trunks, shrouded in the shrubs by their bases. He moved silently, careful not to disturb them. His eyes fell upon three wanderers. One smelled like he did, but the other two were definitely human. He moved behind them slowly, with a height advantage, walking along the cliffs above their heads.

He followed slow and steady, listening to their every word. The way the human talked about his race, it caused a growl to ripple through his throat. Lucian followed closely, wishing to shift and kill them now, but he knew better. He knew doing so would put them both in trouble. He knew he could kill humans, but he was also aware of the hidden weapons they could have been hiding. So patient, he was. When the three split up, and the girl was alone, he decided to follow her, ignoring the humans altogether. His green eyes watched her carefully, waiting for the perfect moment to speak with her. But as she was clear from the others, completely alone, she shifted to her primal form. The display was viewed by Lucian with an open mind. He did not know much of her, but her primal form was stunning, gorgeous even. When the time was right, he dropped down to her level, listening to her howl. He stepped forward, clearing his throat and alerting her to his presence. His eyes focused on her as he moved closer and closer towards her.

Placing his hands on the floor, he too began to shift. Feeling his face elongate, his fingers grow longer, and his bones bend and crack, he finally stood in his finished and primal form. His beast was much larger than hers, and the age showed very well. He did not know how old she was, but he was definitely older. Lucian was the original after all, but his years suited him. His coat was still thick in the handsome appearance, and his bright green eyes, how they shone with wisdom and sexual magnetism. The large beast looked to the other, speaking with their telepathic language. "Greetings stranger, who might you be and why have you come to my lands?" His voice was calm and collected. It was true that Lucian were easier on his own kind than others, but today must have been a good one for him. She was the first to wander into his land for many hundreds of years. After the murder of his wife, his children wished to be on their own, making lives for themselves and no longer living under his large shadow.

Marie's nerves were tight and jumpy from the tension she held in her body. She pushed away all doubt that she had come to the wrong place. After all, she had researched and analyzed and mapped, until she had a general idea of where the first werewolf was born. For surely, a pack would have established itself there. She told herself that it would take time for the werewolf in charge of new arrivals to come to where she stood. However, that was immediately proved false when a man stepped out from behind the trees. Marie was ready to spring at the first sign of aggression, but the musky scent of wolf and human overpowered her sensitive nose. How had he gotten here so quickly? Surely the camp was not so close to the border. He must had followed her here at some point. She sighed inwardly. A great werewolf she was turning out to be, who couldn't even tell if she was being tracked. She inhaled as he came closer, reading deeper into his scent. She could sense an air of power around him, and instinctively bowed her head, despite the fact that she currently towered over him. Could he really be an Alpha? She continued to stare at the shadowed forest floor, heart beating rapidly as she heard him shift forms. The change was swift and smooth, with no unnecessary movement. His easy control of his primal form embarrassed Marie, and she was acutely aware of her shortcomings. She was given no time to contemplate, ears flicking slightly towards him despite the lack of verbal communication.

Finally, Marie lifted her head, her dark blue gaze landing on the massive beast that stood in front of her. She inhaled sharply and couldn't help making a small backward step. His pitch black fur made it seem like he was made of of the shadows that surrounded them. She met his luminous eyes, green as the first leaf of spring, but only kept it for a fraction of a second before forcing herself to look away. Her primal instincts screamed at her. It was not proper for a loner to meet an Alpha's eyes, especially one so strong and powerful as this one. When he had been in human form, his real age was left to imagination. In primal form, however, Marie could tell that he held many centuries of experience under his belt. While on a human old age weakened the body and mind, it seemed to only enhance the Alpha's looks. Marie had no idea if werewolves blushed, but she felt heat rise to her face. She must look like a child to this wolf. But no matter, she told herself. Now it was time. The words she had planned to say ran through her mind, and she spoke.

"My name is Marie. Marie Saros. I have come in search for a place of belonging. To be among those who will claim me as their own. I have tired of wandering, and I ask for a place in your pack. I ask for a home, for mine was torn apart. She finished softly, hoping her words would please the still handsome male standing in front of her.

Lucian looked over her, his eyes raking over her fur. She spoke with conviction, and a certain tenderness, though, she was nervous. It was invigorating, a quality he actually admired. She knew her place before the Alpha, respect was a huge key into the pack. He thought over his words for a moment, wondering if he should question her past. Without hesitation, he moved his eyes over her, keeping his lips still, "what happened to your pack? If you choose to share your story with me, I shall share mine with you. I am very interested in all you have to say, all I ask is that you spare no detail. I want names, descriptions, give it all." Slowly moving his rear paws he walked from the bright of day, leading her to a small cave. Once he moved inside, he found a place to rest himself comfortably on the ground and did so. His eyes watched as she followed after him, and waited for her reply. Would she tell him it all? He figured that she would, seeming rather respectful of him already. The Alpha had not seen another werewolf not directly related to him for a long time now, and was rather anxious to hear what she had to say. He wondered if her story was mixed with the dirty vampire that haunted his dreams. Or perhaps the human who killed his child? No matter what he thought, he cleared his mind. Now it was up to her.

((Sorry it's short... My next one shall be longer.))

Marie said nothing for a few moments, her eyes fixed firmly on the ground. She had guessed that this might be a question she would be asked, but had hoped that her past would be overlooked, at least for the moment. 800 years was plenty long enough for the raw, crushing grief to fade, but the young werewolf had long since buried her past. She stared after his retreating figure, making up her mind. It couldn't hurt any more than when the actual events had played out. After all, there were quite a few humans out there, spread all around the globe, who knew her story. Well, parts of it at least. She shoved her initial reluctance away and followed, her movements overly careful as if she was afraid of knocking the whole forest down with one careless swipe. She gathered her legs underneath her and sat, her back resting against the cold stone wall. Her posture was straight, not quite tense but not at quite at ease either. She took a deep breath and prepared to tell her real story to somebody who would actually understand, if only because of his species.

"If it so pleases you, I shall tell. I have never belonged to a pack, at least not by your definition. My family was small; I was an only child. My parents were both scientists, humans. They loved what they did, and passed their love onto me. We here a happy little family, at least at first. As I got older, old enough to do studies of my own, we drifted apart. My parents had begun a new study and were completely immersed in it. When I turned twelve, I was allowed to join my parents in their closely-guarded, top secret laboratory. As time went on, I was allowed more and more freedoms, but even when I was analyzing data right next to my mother or father, nothing ever brought me closer to them." Marie paused, her voice flat. She drew breath once more, her expression softening a little at her next words.

"Then, one day when I was fifteen, everything changed. I met a..a boy. Logan. He was a werewolf who wouldn't turn primal, for some strange reason. I was given the responsibility of caring for him. Though looking back now, I think my parents hoped that he would tell me something about the nature of shifting. We became close friends, one of the only ones I had at the time. We swapped secrets, feelings, fantasies, and eventually fell in love.  By this time, I was tired of being treated like an assistant and not like a daughter, and so I begged him to change me so that we could escape together. Only...the plan didn't go so well. Long story short, Logan was killed, I wasn't. A few weeks later, I found out that I was being hunted, and I left. I crossed the state border and figured out how to shift into human form, at least, a way that worked that time. I enrolled myself in the public high school and stayed until the end of my junior year. After that, I packed up and moved away again, just far enough so that no one would recognize me. And I guess... I guess I just kept going. Around the world, high school after high school. Then I got tired of wandering, and decided to try for the life I'd heard Logan speak so well of. I looked up where the earliest reports of werewolves came from. I figured that there would still be a pack here, and so here I am." Tale told, her dark blue gaze lifted slowly up to the black werewolf's face.

”This Logan you speak of… Did he ever tell you how he was created?” But as he noticed the pain in her body language, he stopped his questions. His eyes met hers, feeling the pain she had built up for years. Lucian could not help but to feel sorry for her. He too lost the one he loved. “My story is not filled with much else but sadness…” he paused for a moment, looking over her as he closed his eyes and started thinking back to the initial night it all happened. “I was alone for the time being. Walking home from school, my mother was never around. She worked to keep food on the table for the both of us. My father was never around, he deserted us before I was born. I never knew who he was, but no matter what had happened, my mother never spoke ill of him. To this day, I think she always thought he would come back, but he never did. Anyway…” he looked over her once, then back to his thoughts. “I was walking home and this dog.. I think it was a dog, I was bitten. The bite was the most painful thing I have ever felt and it swelled up for days. It was the worst bite I had ever received. But that was not all that changed. My body started to go through changes, slow at first. I started to eat more, always hungry and wishing to feed, but nothing curved my appetite. My aggression grew almost triple in anger. I had issues controlling these rages. Finally it happened. Late one night I shifted to my primal form. It was the most painful thing I have ever been through. From time to time, shifting still hurts, but never as much as that night. My bones were still learning what to do for months, almost years it seemed. But I fled from my mother’s house, afraid she would discover I was different and cast me out. So, I hid and lived in the woods that surrounded her house. She lived there for years, and even while I was gone, she always went looking for me, hoping to one day find me. I planned on going back, once I had learned to control myself completely, but as it turns out, I never got me chance.”

He paused for a moment, not looking to her, but staring outside. His emerald eyes targeted something outside, trying to forget as much of his past as he could, but no matter how he tried, the worst was coming here and now. His mind moved idly about, gathering all his thoughts and moving them along. “One night a gentleman came to her door. They seemed to be strangers, but yet she let him in. I don’t know what for, but when she did, they moved to the living room. I watched from the window, as they flirted with one another. It was sickening. As I moved around the house for a better look, I heard a loud scream, coming from her. I raced around to the closest window and saw him sucking her blood straight from her neck. I raced to the front of the house, kicked in the door and there he was, sitting over her body, lifeless and enjoying her taste. As I charged him..” tears welled in his eyes, building as they tried to break free of his tear ducts. “He vanished and I could not save her…” Wiping the tears from his eyes, he looked at her. “The rest is a rather horrible tale.” As unbelievable as it was, it was easier for the Alpha to speak of his mother's death, than of the murder he witnessed of his son, and the way he found his mate, Claire. Just thinking of Claire forced the brute to no long want to speak, to run to his den and cry his depression into a drunken stupor.

Marie did not reply right away, letting the two of them reflect on their tragedy-filled pasts. The air of the small cave was heavy with the emotion of things left unsaid. It reminded her of the way she had wandered the land the first month after her Changing. Determined not to be sucked in once more, she scoured her brain for a ray of light, anything to dissipate the black cloud that had muddled her mind. Giving her russet and white pelt a slight shake, she broke the silence with a gentle voice.

"Well, it seems we have more in common than I thought. Loved ones torn from us, leaving us to fall into a bottomless abyss. I know I'll always be climbing up and away from the clutches of grief. Sometimes I slip and must climb up again. But now, hopefully no longer a lonesome wanderer, I look forward to lending a hand to a fellow climber. And perhaps be offered the same assistance." She finished in a soft tone. A small smile graced her features and she turned a hesitant gaze on the black male. She hoped that she had said the right thing, and that her words would have the reaction she had intended. She had attempted to patch up old wounds and steer them back to why they had met in the first place without adopting a dominant attitude. Her words reminded herself to look ahead instead of dwelling on things that could not be changed, and she hoped they would remind the Alpha of the same. Her claws moved lightly on the cave floor, tracing shapes in the thin layer of dust that had settled. She wondered whether she should tell him of her major flaw before he formally accepted her into his pack or tell him now and risk being turned away. No, tell him now, lest something happens and he expects you to at least hold your own. She told herself, but couldn't bring herself to form the words. Finally, she decided to wait and gauge the Alpha's attitude towards her. Even as she thought this, a low howl floated to her ears, and she felt a ripple of uncertainty pass through her. With another possible addition to the pack, would the strong male bid her follow or speak with her later. Surely he would not dismiss her completely, would he?

((I wasn't quite sure if I should acknowledge Titus's howl, because I know Lucian can pay him a visit separately, and that most sites do that. However I have been on some sites where acceptance threads were combined if the borders were not so busy. So, um, just ignore her howl muse if that's not the case here.))

Finishing his words, he was very patient. The air between them was thick with remorse for both of their paths. Lucian could understand her hurting and would be there for her, if she ever needed him. Sure, he could be a jerk from time to time, but this was different. She was hurting. What kind of leader would be cruel to one he knew was hurting. A soft smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. "As long as you are here, I shall help you when you need it. If you feel you need to speak with someone on your past, I shall always be here. All you need to do is ask and I will be there." He looked over her with a smile now more prevalent. "But I guess we should first solve the issue of you joining. Whatever it is you are good at, I would love to hear it now, if you don't mind. Once you tell me I shall allow you entrance to my lands." He finished his words and looked to her, waiting once again. He could see them getting along for years to come from here on out.

Marie nodded gratefully. She thought for a moment, creating a suitable reply. She thought back to her activities as a child and her interactions with high-school humans. She ran a few sentences through her head, making sure it was what she wanted to do.

"As you now know, I was exposed to research and information since I was very young. I know how to efficiently and effectively gather information and analyze it. I watched and assisted my parents on their projects, including a study on the effects of different metals on werewolves." Her voice grew smaller, as if she was personally responsible for human advancements against werewolves.

"I... I didn't feel any remorse or resistance towards my parents testing them. They were all in primal form and felt more like animals. I have a good memory, and I remember quite well the notes my parents jotted down about the physical capabilities of werewolves. For this reason, I would like to enter your pack as a Healer." Here she paused and gave a short, nervous laugh.

"Also, I guess I have a more selfish reason. It would make me feel better, like the wounds that I help to heal would somehow make up for the pain I've caused, both directly and indirectly. But I also have a confession to make. From the time I learned how to shift back to human form, I have never gone back to primal form until now. To say the least, I have a lot to learn about it." She finished in a rush, gathering her limbs underneath her in a manner that paralleled a dog cowering in anticipation of it's master's blow.

Already feeling remorse for the fae, he could not help but to feel more for her as her story progressed. Had she turned on her own kind? Yes, it seemed so. But no matter how he felt on the matter, he too knew he made mistakes. Perhaps too many to even count. Thoughts of his family coursed through his mind. He never should have left his mother, perhaps she would have understood his situation? He should have been in the house, her guardian within. Instead he found himself living around the house from the outside looking in. He wished to be with her, to tell her of all he was, but he was afraid. Afraid she would turn him away or worse, surrender him to the human government or scientists for testing. At the time he did not know he was the first, and feared for much greater things to happen to him. So outside he stayed, watching the horrible events as his mother's life was taken from him. Sadness drenched his soul as he recalled his first son's death. He watched as the human stole his essence, killing him almost immediately, and again he could do nothing. The humans numbers had increased, as well as the werewolves, but it was not enough. After that battle, many of the wolves wished to create new lives of their own. Lucian allowed them to split, moving over all the reaches of the world, some traveling over seas, hidden among the cargo hold of ships and airplanes. But none of those events amounted to as much as losing his beloved Claire. If only he had not left her side on that night, if only she had come with him on the hunt. Perhaps she would still be alive today. Perhaps he would find his Alphess close to his side, sharing his bed, and being there for him when he needed her most. His eyes looked over her, feeling the sadness she felt. "Marie, we all make mistakes from time to time. But what you need to realize is, sometimes we need to have a horrible past to have a brighter future. I know even I have made a list of hefty mistakes that I wish I could take back." If only the brute could listen to his own advise. His heart still ripped for the thought of his loved ones. "You shall see that with time, you will be able to grow and adapt.I would be honored to have you as a healer in my pack. It is time for you to come home," he said with a small smile as he turned from her and started walking towards the pack clearing.

Marie felt her cheeks heat up as she realized that she had continued to burden her new Alpha with depressing recounts of her past. Hearing the rest of his words caused a warmth to flow through her, flooding her chest and spilling out to the tips of her toes. Home. It had been too long since she had been able to use that word.

"Thank you, Alpha. The honor is all mine." She replied gracefully and sincerely, with a respectful tucking of her head. She rose from her sitting position, wincing slightly as she stomped the feeling back into her legs. Now that the adrenaline of the pain of shifting had faded away, her movements were slower, less sure. Unaccustomed to the height difference, Marie received lots of branches and spiderwebs to the face. She clenched her teeth and kept going, deciding that the first thing she was going to do was to get to know her primal form. She had long lost sight of Alpha Lucian, but her sensitive nose picked up his scent trail easily. She breathed in deeply as she headed back to the clearing, reveling in the complexity of the smells that hit her nostrils. And then, with a surprisingly graceful bound, she was home.